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Please Read This First

Ah now, lookit. If you’re easily offended or of tender years, please turn away now. On the other hand, if you enjoy classic jokes that are intended for an adult audience, then you’re in luck! ;)

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How to Sing the Blues

Blues guitar legend B B King died recently at the age of 89. He truly lived the blues: he had two failed marriages; 15 children by several women; played 250 shows a year into his 70s; and still found time to record 43 studio albums. o_O In true blues style, even his death has been mired in controversy.

Which only goes to show why the item below is so funny. It’s riddled with cliches and totally ott, but there’s more than a grain of truth to it.

First posted by Jay Kahrs on the rec.audio.pro newsgroup 15 years ago today. It quickly spread, picking up modifications along the way. It’s interesting to compare the differences between the original and the version presented here.

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Google Pac-Man

On this day five years ago, Google changed the logo on its home page to a fully playable version of Pac-Man to mark the iconic video game’s 30th birthday. It proved so popular that worldwide productivity dipped. An estimated 4.8million work hours were lost. o_O

The game is a faithful rendition of the original. Great effort was put into making the graphics and sound as authentic as possible, down to the classic theme tune. Start the game by clicking on the Insert Coin button and use the arrow keys to guide Pac-Man around the maze. There’s even an Easter Egg! 8-) Press the Insert Coin button a second time and Ms Pac-Man joins in, allowing two people to play simultaneously. Use the W/S keys to move her up/down and A/D for left/right.

Pac-Man starred on the Google home page for only a weekend, but you can still play the game by going to the 30th Anniversary of Pac-Man post on the Google Doodles blog. Irritatingly, however, you’re redirected to a page of Pac-Man search results after just one game! >:( Fortunately, web developer Paul Macek created a page on GitHub with a copy of Google Pac-Man you can play as often as you like. :)


Goat Prefers Taste of Nicotine to Grass

The Chinese Year of the Goat begins today. Traditional fortune tellers predict setbacks in the areas of love, wealth and career in 2015. On a happier note, people born in the Year of the Goat are said to be gentle, mild-mannered and generous.

Traits that definitely do not apply to the goat described in the item below. The story was first published in India Today in February, 1994, but the article was later rewritten. What follows is the only copy of the original (and funnier) text anywhere on the web… afaik. Kudos to the Bull for this exclusive! :)

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Phlegmenco Dancer

January 26th is Australia Day, and much as I’d like to invite you all back to mine for some tinnies and a barbie, I’ll have to settle for sharing a classic antipodean anecdote with you instead.

The following article was written by James Young and published in Melbourne-based Inpress Magazine in 1996. The author assures me his sister-in-law was a witness to the events described below and that he merely wrote up her account of what happened.

An engrossing read… in more ways than one. The stomach-churning dénouement will stay with you long after reading. :twisted:

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Calvin’s Snowmen

Today is the Feast of the Epiphany. In many countries, today is the day children receive their presents from St Nicholas, or the Magi, or a witch called Befana…

Anyways, the point is, as it’s the Twelfth Day of Christmas, here’s a present for you in the form of 12 Calvin and Hobbes cartoons by Bill Watterson featuring Calvin’s weird and wonderful snowmen creations. Enjoy! :)

Btw, at one time, Calvin’s snowmen as well as 40+ Christmas-related humorous images (not all suitable for children) were hosted by the now defunct attrition.org, but can still be viewed via the Internet Archive’s Wayback Machine.

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Elf Bowling

And now it’s time for a slightly surreal, simply outrageous, and child-inappropriate festive treat! :twisted:

In November, 1999, NStorm (defunct?) released Elf Bowling (824k Windows zip file). The game was passed around by email and became a smash hit. Many sequels followed, but the original is the best… Not to mention the funniest and rudest! ;)

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Jo’s Guide for Americans Visiting Britain

The web page linked to above is 18 years old today… which is appropriate because it should come with a Strictly Over 18s warning! ;)

Often circulated with the spurious claim that:

This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine under the headline, “Advice For Tourists.” By all accounts it was taken seriously by a lot of people…

I could find no evidence to back this up.

Jo Miller, the original author, also wrote 25 Things AboutYou, which is a parody of the Facebook 25 Random Things About Me meme that went viral in January, 2009. Worth a read, but again, adults only!