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Please Read This First

Ah now, lookit. If you’re easily offended or of tender years, please turn away now. On the other hand, if you enjoy classic jokes that are intended for an adult audience, then you’re in luck! ;)

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Goat Prefers Taste of Nicotine to Grass

The Chinese Year of the Goat begins today. Traditional fortune tellers predict setbacks in the areas of love, wealth and career in 2015. On a happier note, people born in the Year of the Goat are said to be gentle, mild-mannered and generous.

Traits that definitely do not apply to the goat described in the item below. The story was first published in India Today in February, 1994, but the article was later rewritten. What follows is the only copy of the original (and funnier) text anywhere on the web… afaik. Kudos to the Bull for this exclusive! :)

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Phlegmenco Dancer

January 26th is Australia Day, and much as I’d like to invite you all back to mine for some tinnies and a barbie, I’ll have to settle for sharing a classic antipodean anecdote with you instead.

The following article was written by James Young and published in Melbourne-based Inpress Magazine in 1996. The author assures me his sister-in-law was a witness to the events described below and that he merely wrote up her account of what happened.

An engrossing read… in more ways than one. The stomach-churning dénouement will stay with you long after reading. :twisted:

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Calvin’s Snowmen

Today is the Feast of the Epiphany. In many countries, today is the day children receive their presents from St Nicholas, or the Magi, or a witch called Befana…

Anyways, the point is, as it’s the Twelfth Day of Christmas, here’s a present for you in the form of 12 Calvin and Hobbes cartoons by Bill Watterson featuring Calvin’s weird and wonderful snowmen creations. Enjoy! :)

Btw, at one time, Calvin’s snowmen as well as 40+ Christmas-related humorous images (not all suitable for children) were hosted by the now defunct attrition.org, but can still be viewed via the Internet Archive’s Wayback Machine.

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Elf Bowling

And now it’s time for a slightly surreal, simply outrageous, and child-inappropriate festive treat! :twisted:

In November, 1999, NStorm (defunct?) released Elf Bowling (824k Windows zip file). The game was passed around by email and became a smash hit. Many sequels followed, but the original is the best… Not to mention the funniest and rudest! ;)

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Jo’s Guide for Americans Visiting Britain

The web page linked to above is 18 years old today… which is appropriate because it should come with a Strictly Over 18s warning! ;)

Often circulated with the spurious claim that:

This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine under the headline, “Advice For Tourists.” By all accounts it was taken seriously by a lot of people…

I could find no evidence to back this up.

Jo Miller, the original author, also wrote 25 Things AboutYou, which is a parody of the Facebook 25 Random Things About Me meme that went viral in January, 2009. Worth a read, but again, adults only!

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Psychiatric Hotline

World Mental Health Day was first celebrated in 1992 and is observed on the 10th of October every year with the aim of raising awareness of mental health issues around the world.

The Day provides an opportunity for mental health stakeholders to talk about their work, and what needs to be done to make mental health care a reality for everyone…

It’s also a poor excuse for me to post a link to a transcript of an alleged psychiatric hotline that’s been floating around in various forms for nearly 20 years. The Trust Me, I’m a “Psychologist” website has the most complete version I could find. Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged can also be found there.

In questionable taste, perhaps, but the comments on the Hotline and Christmas Carols pages were mostly positive. And a good sense of humour is a sure sign of a healthy mind. ;)

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Mouse Found on Mars

India’s Mangalyaan spacecraft reached Mars and successfully went into orbit today. The probe will scan the Martian atmosphere for methane, an indicator of life.

The mission cost $74 million—less than the Hollywood movie Gravity, and a mere 11% of the $672 million spent on NASA’s Maven probe which took up orbit around the Red Planet on Monday. o_O

And speaking of inexpensive discoveries to do with Mars, here’s a visual gag that dates back to January, 2000. The punchline is a simple image comprised of everyday objects, but arranged in such a daft way, you can’t help but laugh!

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